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Moving To Google Blogger

hey baby
I have wasted more money in my life than 40 dollars for a paid account for a haphazard service provider, but I am unhappy with how LiveJournal dropped its monetizing functions to placate its Cyrillic member base. I am American, but I am also a disabled minority who is aging and significantly disadvantaged.

All of my posting activity will cease, except as pursuant to my need to access my archives, or if the operating staff comes out of its persistent vegetative state with some new plan.

I have no idea how long it will take me to activate Blogger with Google's monetizing applications for the time I still have paid up for Ad Sense, but I will work on it through next week while moving my content. If any fluent software user can help me you have my expressed gratitude.

I have posted this url before, but, directing this post primarily at twitter, this is my url for what I have already cached over the winter, and I am flagged for adult content, even though my posts on GB are thus far more sedate than they are on LJ, given that I have not settled in.

To LJ staff and volunteers, this is a very poor play. I supported the site in good faith, whatever indignation my reactionary stance or detailed narrative has aroused.

The url:

To all those who friended me here, I thank you, but barring an extraordinary circumstance, this account will be closed by fall.

Crab Generation

hey baby
I would do for Frank as he once did for me, I am not so brutal as that, but he does not want my friendship, and believes, perhaps, that he is punishing me; he might have succeeded if I cared more. His final withdrawal started in the fall of 2007, when Jerry returned a replaced edition of Vulgar Exhibitions. My reserve loosened, and Frank really saw, finally, that I did not love him. Guilt on my part? Not really. The imbecile asked me to marry him because I made a joke to hide my perception of absurdity. No able man would have been so stupid, or put o much pressure on a crippled woman so he could exploit her, and a more confident crippled woman than I would have told him to go fuck himself, and I would have been spared. Is being spared important?

Everyone in the building still treats us as a couple; [exasperated sigh]

I knew I was right about Griffin & Phoenix. The 2006 teleplay is a remake of the 76 version with Falk and Clayburgh, of which I remember only a few minutes: Falk saying "I have a chest full of cancer," marveling; Clayburgh cutting up her credit cards. Mulroney and Peet do not inhabit the characters as realistically as my more favored and deceased veterans.

Does the modest tale bring anything to the table? Disease liberates. Disease frays social constraint, leading to vagrant irresponsibility. Cancer pisses us off; makes nurturing children problematic. I am still waiting for an American director to get this right, and know I made a post about the European actress who does, but I have to find it again.


hey baby
Even as I am pressed for time, today's schedule brought on the reflection that I have not dealt with the environmental catastrophe films to any great extent, to echo Elizabeth Bishop's famous villanelle

This is in part due to the latter day comic aspects of such blockbusters; it may be noted, however that the concluding dialogue between Newman and McQueen in The Towering Inferno, was used as a slap on the wrist in relation to 9/11, which is bookmarked as an event in the sense of Foucault's objections to historical discipline, and yet, did not create any major paradigm shift, as DeLillo illustrates in his fiction.


Six Degrees, Pretensions, Accelerations

hey baby
I can be guilty of pretension, but I am not guilty of it when it comes to the realization that LiveJournal has outlived its usefulness, but I overshot my mark and will be stuck with it as a utility for a little while yet. Google may solve my problems rather quickly once I wind my way through their support system, but I do not want Google Blogger to be a near exact replica of what I've tried to do with this account. I can keep the negativity here, and stay more polished under the super search engine, for instance.

But I will say this: Few of you, outside of certain communities, have held my interest. You do not write well, and from the end of one computer, it becomes tedious. The difference between an author and a writer is something the Jamesians will be taking up in conference, but it is a matter of degree. Susanna Daniel may succeed along that trajectory, and become a typical funny bones midwesterner who would bore the living shit out of me, I do not know, but she is not quite an author yet. She is a novelist perhaps just reaching for stature, and scored a byline with Slate, something I have not yet managed. I am still a writer, in this sense, and not an author, but from what I see on LJ, Microsoft is not particularly concerned with the erudition of its client base.

You need to remember that even electric posts need to cater to an interest, and those will be my parting words to the English fluent; to the Russians, your behavior here is a good indicator of why your Soviet empire collapsed. Perhaps Slavic cultural norms have lost fluidity, and would be dying out but for modern technology, swallowed into Asian memes.

But writers also internally censor what they have not processed. I create the balance beam between Jerry and myself as something that would make able readers feel sorry that I was caught up in this dynamic, where you might exclaim, "how lonely she was!"

Not always. He and I had our tensions between us, and here is a summation for you on the irony of my adult life. The last time I actually spoke to the man was in 92 in my office, fishing for grad school recommendations. I had him on one end of the line reluctantly rebuffing me due to the length of time involved, and then saying we could meet in conference, while Linda was sitting to my right, waiting for me to get off the phone. I think she sat in the W or Indian style that I used to deploy before my surgery. I was swearing off one icon, a little pissed at him, muttering that he was conceited, while the spastic woman I had raised onto a dais was patiently waiting to discuss my goal planner.

Therein lies the shattered tragedy of a life that otherwise might have given back so much. Assigning blame to anyone wouldn't change the facts.


hey baby
I need to sleep on this, but LiveJournal and twitter are much more technically adaptive than myself, and I need advice about rolling over my ad sense participation into Google Blogger, but I will contact support tomorrow. No offense, but I need to move on, even if I am not proficient enough to buy a domain name, that would not necessarily free me from corporate big brother. Google, Amazon, Microsoft and Telecoms control the world now; maybe they can plug the dyke fracturing in Syria.

The Grisham Lawyer

hey baby
Mmm. I am sort of conflicted on what to do with my bad investments, though as I told louise, I did not expect to break even through monetizing, and I cheat you with my sometimes graphic memoirs exactly because I am exhausted all around, and therefore use what's easiest, but if you ask any writer, indicting oneself for the sake of publishing comes at a personal cost, whether it is in a platform periodical, or an online post, and I am rude and uncouth and certainly do not have to be. That is fair enough. I have felt denigrated most of my life so I denigrate in return.

But this wasn't always the case; when I came back to Philadelphia I was *ripping myself away,* but still believed I could do good. And so I tried, molded into a bad case manager, and then at great cost, remolded myself into a freelancer with a plummeting income that skidded to zero by 2009. Marie says monetizing my blogging efforts gives me something to do. Marie doesn't want me to make waves by contacting my state senator and then the ACLU and any other party.

Let me ask you something though, about letting go. When I left Liberty Resources for the Institute, Liberty promised me technical support that never came, and which I needed. When I listened to Erik and Jimmi, and got on attendant care for ten years until I imploded out, I subjected myself to ten years of duress, in various forms, and only posted about some of it, and when I asked Liberty to honor what they told me, that I could always come back, well, I have been limping around on my entrails with few mobility options for the last 12 years, expended a very bad 24 months with Medicare over getting a new power chair that I can barely use, have had to cope with Presby's tactics, and out of all this, I am the villain troll?

What if I had killed myself when Linda was finished using me as a lotto ball, would the state have even bothered to investigate? Grisham's law students somehow manage to carry the flag of truth across the field. His books and movies are popular because the lead character refuses to yield, sometimes at the cost of personal happiness. I cannot do anything about the statue of limitations, I know that, but I have absorbed a great deal of punishment, and people are amazed at my lack of manners, after all these years of my abused trust, waiting for the next straight jacket.

And Yet

hey baby

To be in love with the memory of a man who I could not have, while my psyche makes use of it for my own ends, still captures a truth, as if I sketched myself into a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel, that is somehow authentic, even if I forbid myself the declarative sentence, and I forbid it because if I had the nerve to make such a fool of myself, I should have did that a long time ago, and I never dared; and yet, we all have dried rose petals stored away, in objects of memory.

Earth Tone Ends

hey baby
I may have to cut this short, because I made myself sick and have to head out to pick up supplies, and I could have caught this and nearly did, but misjudged, and have to decide what to do, since I have to roll in so many hours. I have been having terrible cravings for ice cream, not just to indulge, but cravings, watering mouth, and suppose my body needs calcium.

David Ward wasn't a therapist, but a philosophy instructor; he respected me and I betrayed his trust but have not discussed him because my memory is out of favor, and he would chuckle at that, I'm sure, but it was he who first made me think about what was wrong with homosexuality; he did not take a position, just offered us two prepositions that I never tackled, because he was more interested in the fact that I was on fire about God's ontology.

Court tv was once educational, in its early days, and when the case came in Hawaii I was on the side of the progressives, and as a judicial matter, there is no reason why Andrew Sullivan's marriage to his partner should not be valid in the US, and I am sure the goofy Gnostic bastard is thrilled that the cripple he sent a screen shot to is affirming what Scotus will one day make the law of the land.

Having said that, glorifying homosexuality as normal, as spiritual, as healthy as making babies with male and female liaisons is bad, in biological evolutionary terms, just as disability empowerment leads down the same road. This is difficult stuff, so you have to bear with me or get politically huffy and storm off. I will take my reversal from the almighty ACLU a piece at a time, even though I may go to them at some point.

Now, the nature of transformative evil as an example is to study the point of view of Will Geer as Doc Thomas in Brother John, but I am taxing myself, and have much to do. We shall pick this up later, maybe after midnight Sunday, but I have to monetize Google. Whatever I am doing with this account, GB is becoming primary.

Saint Poitier

hey baby

The apocalyptic 1971 Brother John illustrates what I mean by transformative evil, to the delight of liberation theology proponents, if not the social conservatives who are lately elevating Santorum; I'll dig in on this next post.

Joy Juice, ctd

hey baby
I am not an outright detractor of SSRI's, which may or may not assure the few medical professionals I follow; if you are in the kind of pain I am in on bad days, and they work for you, then take them. There are risks involved in any drug regiment, however, and if Wallace had been wary of complacency, perhaps he would not be dead; anti-depressants can worsen heart disease, which is another reason I am wary, to gather this in one post,  the others, as I have stated, is the dosage  the intern gave me  in 2001 was too high and impaired my ability to function, and I have seen anti-anxiety medications throw my clients with cerebral palsy into seizures, killing them, and would prefer to spare myself, and three, while I am depressed, I am not that depressed, and if I could just get out of public housing and restore myself to establishment respectability, I would be fine, with some self-monitoring.

I do not deny my episodes, and I have had them, and discussed some of those here, but the overwhelming stress of not being able to defeat my poverty is not necessarily an abnormality, even if my reaction to that is intense. With Linda it was abnormal, and I did go rushing in for a repair, one that was not entirely successful, but that was my fault. I have very little faith in psychiatrists, and if you shoved them and treating psychologists in a boat, they'd all kill each other, just as we poets and writers would, screwed into a jar with air holes in the lid.

But this leads me into the question of biological entropy creating transformative evil, and as I have written before, it is a very difficult issue to address, on both its scientific and metaphysical ends. As I head into my decline, however, I have reached a few conclusions, and disagree with progressives on the issue of equalizing homosexual pair bonding, and using jurisprudence to do it. Yes, I know the classical Greeks were fluid about such things, but this was in part do to the warrior culture of their age, and even in Helenistic society, same sex activity was tolerated, but with limitations placed on it.

The erosion of those limitations on sexual liberalism is a serious mistake, and both disability and homosexuality and its alter triggers leave the potential open toward transformative evil more so than heterosexual procreative unions. I know this is difficult, and I know Andrew Sullivan is not Erik, and does not practice Erik's level of prevarication, but I am willing to bet, that if I could look down in a hundred and fifty years, what is left of European legacy will regret its closets.


hey baby

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